In the past, we would chronicle countless examples of drinkers OVER 21 behaving badly, as "Things Underage Drinkers Didn't Do". But we have clearly been slacking lately. Time to do it again:
In the past few weeks or so in America:
An underage drinker did NOT drunkenly wrap her car around a telephone pole--and set a terrible example as Assistant District Attorney.
An underage drinker did NOT literally get her SEVENTH DUI since 2007.
An underage drinker did NOT drunkenly assault an officer while being arrested for a wrong-way DUI.
An underage drinker did NOT get arrested for DUI while on the job--as a state trooper.
An underage drinker did NOT drunkenly crash into and kill a 17 year old in another car, while another killed a 16 year old.
An underage drinker did NOT drunkenly ram his car into a police cruiser, with a BAC of a whopping 0.30%, nearly four times the legal limit.
An underage drinker did NOT drunkenly crash into and kill a motorcyclist.
An underage drinker did NOT drunkenly crash into and kill a sheriff's deputy.
An underage drinker did NOT drunkenly hold a razorblade to a woman's throat on an airplane.
An underage drinker did NOT have a drunken and violent meltdown on an airplane and try to fight off cops.
An underage drinker did NOT deliberately put alcohol in her baby's bottle, causing the baby to get sick.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is just the tip of the iceberg....
