Fed up with underage drinking? Want to not just reduce it, but eliminate it for good? Well, we know of a scientifically proven, universally effective, but little known way to guarantee that your kids will not drink a drop before reaching the magic age of 21. It has been verified in randomized controlled trials, is truly self-evident, and costs nothing. In fact, it is not all that difficult when you think about it, despite the interesting fact that the vast majority of parents had not even considered it. How, you ask? Well, here's what you gotta do.........
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DON'T HAVE KIDS!
Not only is it 100% effective against underage drinking, it also has other benefits, such as saving $250,000 per child over the first 18 years, reduced overpopulation, less urban sprawl, and a cleaner environment. The Earth will love you.
Yes, that is the only foolproof way to guarantee abstinence from alcohol (or anything else for that matter) until 21. But seriously. For those of us that live in the real world (you know, the one in which the majority will have kids and about 90% of those kids will drink before age 21), we need to admit that the 21 drinking age is a miserable failure. And admit that we do not have a "teen" drinking problem, we have an American drinking problem. Only then can real solutions be given a serious chance of working.
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Hilarious.
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